Best Day of My Life

I am one of the rare women who gets to spend the majority of her life with my one and only soulmate. The love of my life. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

11 years ago today, I started into a relationship that, in all honestly, I wasn't too sure about. It wasn't planned, it wasn't something I was looking for, but it was something that, somehow, just fell into my lap. I literally turned around one day and went, "Hmmm...could this be something?" I took a risk, as he did, and I will be forever grateful that I did...

About a week before today, 11 years ago, one of my very best friends shocked me by asking me to homecomming. I remember sitting in the room where we had lunch (I was a Sophomore in high school, he was a Junior), waiting for him to ask me. Our friends had told me earlier that day that he wanted to, but being somewhat shy and a whole lot nervous, Ben took his sweet time. I had one of those rare moments of bravado, and walked up to him and said "Is there something you wanted to ask me?" He said yeah, he asked, and I said, "Yes...now was that so hard??" and walked away. I even remember asking my mom on the way home if she thought you could date someone you didn't really think was attractive (Sorry Ben...to this day I regret even thinking that, but you have to admit, you've gotten sooo much better with age!!). As the week went on, I kept hanging out with the same group, and we made plans to go to Jason's Woods that Sunday night. Ben's mom drove, and my mom dropped me off at the Hawthorne McDonald's to ride with them. She told me recently that when she first saw Ben, she was scared of him. And we weren't even dating!

On the car ride up, Ben and I sat together in the backseat of Ms. Mary's car (there were too many people going to take one car, so we rode with our friend Khalia's mom). I kept looking down, and Ben's hand kept moving closer to mine on the backseat. By the time we hit PA, he had moved his hand right next to mine, and finally took my hand in his. He didn't let go until we got out of the car an hour later. I remember seeing his mom smile when I looked back and she saw he was holding my hand walking across the parking lot, and watching her smile even more in the rearview mirror on the way home when I laid my head on his shoulder and finally fell asleep that way. There was no formal, "Will you go out with me?" from either of us. Just the slide of a hand across a car seat, and my entire life changed forever. And I thank God each and every day that he took my hand, and decided to never let go. It just may be the best day of my life.

Or maybe this was. Four years after our first date, Ben asked me to be his wife, in front of over 200 people. He wore khakis (something I loved that, in those days, he rarely ever did), got down on one knee, and made me cry. I think I said yes somewhere in there, because the ring he gave me (a gorgeous three-stone diamond ring) is still on the third finger of my left hand.

And about 10 months later, I wore a white dress and a wedding veil, walked down a church aisle on my Daddy's arm, found Ben at the end, and said "I do". Maybe that was the best day of my life...

...or was it the day, 9 years later, when our beautiful son came into the world, and I became a Mommy? How could anything compare to the feeling of looking into the eyes of the baby I had known we would have for years, the baby we had dreamed about, talked about, and even named before we were even married? Yeah, that may have been the best day of my life....

...or was it the day that my beautiful daughter entered my life? The little girl that looks more and more like her father every day. How can anything top the joy of finding out that yes, you can literally feel your heart grow in size to make a place for the second child you weren't expecting, but were always hoping for. The little girl that you weren't sure you would have. The one who makes your husband, the love of your life, turn into a sap, and who makes you cry when you see her with him. Yeah, that may be the best day...

...or will it be one of thousands of days yet to come? Days in which you find out that you are still madly in love with the boy you met 11 years ago, the man that boy became, and the amazing father you knew he would be but are still blown away by. I feel myself choking up even as I write this, because all those years ago, we took a leap of faith, and it changed my life. Ben is the best thing that ever happened to me. I met him before I even knew what I would make of my life, and now I know that he is my life, my reason for living and breathing. He is the man that made me a wife, a mother, and everything I am today, good and bad. I can't imagine my life without him. He's the only man I've ever loved, my first in so many ways, and the only man I ever want to spend my life with, grow old with, and be with throughout eternity. Eternity will never be long enough to be with him. He is my soulmate, my better half, my partner in crime, and the reason behind everything I do.

Thank God we went to Jason's Woods 11 years ago today. That was the best day of my life.....

All Good Things...

...must come to an end, or so I'm told. Why they have to, I'm not really sure. Maybe it's so we appreciate them more. Or so we don't get spoiled. I don't know, but today marks the end of my most recent good thing - Maternity Leave.

It's been a good run. I've been home for 9 weeks, which is about 3 weeks longer than I would have been if I had a different career and my baby girl hadn't been measuring small. August 9 was the last day I was at work. In some ways it seems like just yesterday, and in others it seems like a lifetime ago. So much has changed since August 9. I went from being a mother to one rambunctious little man to mommy to a 6 week old and an even more rambunctious little man. I broke my foot, had it in a boot, tried to walk with it and got pissed, took the boot off, and am back to walking normal (although admittedly with some pain at the end of the day. Nothing big, I'll live). I found out my grandmother's heart has almost no blood flow, and that the doctors don't know how she is still alive. Remarkable, since her previous doctor said she had the heart of a 20 year old (she's 81) and that her heart wouldn't be the thing that "got her" in the end. Dumb ass. My dad is now, for all intents and purposes, retired from the job he had for the last 30 years. My husband is now in school full time, and I am accepted and starting my Bachelors in January. So the landscape that is my life is totally different now.

Do I want to go back to work? Yes and no. I worked hard to get where I am, and I never really entertained the idea of being a stay-at-home mom. Honestly, and God forgive me, I don't think I have the patience. And I firmly believe that having less time with my children makes me appreciate them that much more. I hate when I miss the little things, like first words, steps, etc., but I guess that's the nature of the beast. For the most part, I love what I do, although it's like anything else...you have good days and bad days, and a whole lot of mediocre days in between, but the key is loving the in between, which I do. And there's definitely something to be said for having a 45 minute lunch during which no one walks up and steals my food, or climbs into my lap saying, "Yes" and "Yum". Although soon I'm sure I'll be missing that too. I think.

I guess the biggest reason to go back to work is the pride I feel in being able to support my family. Ben worked hard for so very long in a job that he hated just so I could go to school. I'm lucky enough to have a job I love, and be able to support him going to school. i don't want him working at all if we can avoid it, but he may have to in February when we move. Still, at least by my having the job that I do he can work as little as possible, and keep his focus where it belongs - school.

So how did I spend my "last day"? Today was Ben's birthday. He turned 27, which really sounds strange to me, as the first time I ever spent time with him was at his 16th birthday. Some days it feels like we've been together forever, in a good way, and sometimes it feels like we should just be getting started. Not sitting in bed with two sleeping children in their beds. Anyway, today I cleaned so Ben didn't have to, then we went to The Commadore to watch the game (go Ravens!!) with his parents. We had cake, let the kids run around (or at least Jake) with their Grammy and Poppy, and just tried to hang out. But the best part of the day was when my little man came running in from outside with a big smile on his face, and a beautiful flower in his hand, held high just for me.

Those are the moments that melt your heart, and that make me remember why good things, like maternity leave, have to end. I have to take care of my babies the best way that I can, and that is by working hard, and making the most of each weekend. I love my children, I love my husband, and I love my job. It just might take me a while to remember that I love my job...

...wish me luck!