...must come to an end, or so I'm told. Why they have to, I'm not really sure. Maybe it's so we appreciate them more. Or so we don't get spoiled. I don't know, but today marks the end of my most recent good thing - Maternity Leave.
It's been a good run. I've been home for 9 weeks, which is about 3 weeks longer than I would have been if I had a different career and my baby girl hadn't been measuring small. August 9 was the last day I was at work. In some ways it seems like just yesterday, and in others it seems like a lifetime ago. So much has changed since August 9. I went from being a mother to one rambunctious little man to mommy to a 6 week old and an even more rambunctious little man. I broke my foot, had it in a boot, tried to walk with it and got pissed, took the boot off, and am back to walking normal (although admittedly with some pain at the end of the day. Nothing big, I'll live). I found out my grandmother's heart has almost no blood flow, and that the doctors don't know how she is still alive. Remarkable, since her previous doctor said she had the heart of a 20 year old (she's 81) and that her heart wouldn't be the thing that "got her" in the end. Dumb ass. My dad is now, for all intents and purposes, retired from the job he had for the last 30 years. My husband is now in school full time, and I am accepted and starting my Bachelors in January. So the landscape that is my life is totally different now.
Do I want to go back to work? Yes and no. I worked hard to get where I am, and I never really entertained the idea of being a stay-at-home mom. Honestly, and God forgive me, I don't think I have the patience. And I firmly believe that having less time with my children makes me appreciate them that much more. I hate when I miss the little things, like first words, steps, etc., but I guess that's the nature of the beast. For the most part, I love what I do, although it's like anything else...you have good days and bad days, and a whole lot of mediocre days in between, but the key is loving the in between, which I do. And there's definitely something to be said for having a 45 minute lunch during which no one walks up and steals my food, or climbs into my lap saying, "Yes" and "Yum". Although soon I'm sure I'll be missing that too. I think.
I guess the biggest reason to go back to work is the pride I feel in being able to support my family. Ben worked hard for so very long in a job that he hated just so I could go to school. I'm lucky enough to have a job I love, and be able to support him going to school. i don't want him working at all if we can avoid it, but he may have to in February when we move. Still, at least by my having the job that I do he can work as little as possible, and keep his focus where it belongs - school.
So how did I spend my "last day"? Today was Ben's birthday. He turned 27, which really sounds strange to me, as the first time I ever spent time with him was at his 16th birthday. Some days it feels like we've been together forever, in a good way, and sometimes it feels like we should just be getting started. Not sitting in bed with two sleeping children in their beds. Anyway, today I cleaned so Ben didn't have to, then we went to The Commadore to watch the game (go Ravens!!) with his parents. We had cake, let the kids run around (or at least Jake) with their Grammy and Poppy, and just tried to hang out. But the best part of the day was when my little man came running in from outside with a big smile on his face, and a beautiful flower in his hand, held high just for me.
Those are the moments that melt your heart, and that make me remember why good things, like maternity leave, have to end. I have to take care of my babies the best way that I can, and that is by working hard, and making the most of each weekend. I love my children, I love my husband, and I love my job. It just might take me a while to remember that I love my job...
...wish me luck!
No comments:
Post a Comment